Depression.. Or as I like to call it, the “Silent Killer” like the lives it has taken and continues to take is ridiculous, Anxiety likes to be the annoying little brother that just won’t go away really, you can’t love it, you can’t hate it, just have to deal with it and this is hard, I went through two complete meltdowns with depression and anxiety and it really sucks.
So! Depression, Its a dark pit, you feel empty, worthless, useless, bored, no sex drive, no enjoyment, no nothing, just hollow, you’re just a broken soul inside the shell we call our body and I think depression on it’s own can be fixed quite easily for the most part but when you add anxiety into that mix, that’s when it becomes hard because anxiety turns all them feelings onto everyone else, you over think, you worry, you are needy and like we as humans are very social, we need to be social to stay alive, feeling lonely is a terrible thing but you don’t even have to be physically alone to feel alone in this world and that’s scary because when you start dealing with all these feelings and accepting them as part of you, that’s when self harm and suicide can start to kick in.
So self harming and suicide are sensitive subjects, no one wants to talk about it and everyone wants to avoid those who feel this way (Probably the worst thing you can do is abandon suicidal people) but I guess that’s why I enjoyed the show ’13 Reasons Why’ so much because it took all these topics that people don’t talk about and threw them straight into the open and caused so much controversy for it because people don’t want to accept the fact its a real thing.
So how did I get to the other side? Honestly, It all started with acceptance, I had to accept I was unwell and realize that I can be fixed too, I also had to do this alone as I had no friends until I decided to reconnect with Hannah and she helped me, she cared and she told me that it would be okay and that I’m strong and I can do it and at the time she was saying all this, I wasn’t listening, this was it, I was ready once again to end it all and instead of it succeeding I had an epiphany, a few hours past and it clicked like.. I’m going to be okay and I am strong, so I turned my life around by getting a job, leaving my moms and living on my brothers sofa and 8 months later, I have a full time job, a home and friends again, all that’s left for me is that happy ending we all long for.